Ayahuasca....Finishing the 4 Part Cycle in the Andean Mountains

The setting of the retreat. The BV show, The Weapon, and Lisa in front of Illimani.

In front of our sleeping and eating quarters at the retreat center

Picture from our six hour hike-

A Note Before Reading:

After spending about a week going out night after night between Cusco and La Paz. I finally reached my the point of going to the retreat to finish my Ayahuasca cycle in the mountains of the Andes surrounding La Paz. I had been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. I was really looking forward to the change of pace and the different scenery. The setting for the Ayahuasca ceremonies in the mountains surrounding La Paz is one of the most beautiful places I have been so far in my travels.

It is difficult to describe why this concoction of plants from deep in the Amazon rain forest gives you the power to look deep inside yourself and face your most personal fears, problems, or goals. All I know is that the entire experience for me has been amazing.

Sidenote: I lied, the vomiting was not amazing.

So, in accordance with my promise to write about everything.... Here it is.

If you would like to read my first Ayahuasca post first... It was written on in June and can be read in the archives on the right hand side of the page. It involves my experience with a very friendly Toucan named Bob. He had quite a bit of very good advice.

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The Setup:

Tim (Belgian Shaman) and I have been back and forth for the last month or so trying to arrange a retreat to complete my 4 part Ayahuasca cycle. Ayahuasca is best done in a four part series to represent the spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental parts of the human mind. I had completed part one in the Jungles of Rurrenbaque with Ben and Billy. Part two was done in the mountains of La Paz at the same retreat center where I spent this last weekend.

I played an intricate part in setting up this retreat. Most of the backpackers and "foreigners" involved had some way come into contact with me along the way. I encouraged everyone I spoke with to read the ¨nightmarish¨ National Geographic article that I sited in my first Ayahuasca post.

Tim and I wanted to have a small retreat over the course of 4 days. There would be ceremonies on the first and third nights. On the 2nd and 4th mornings we would have sweat lodges (intense, intense saunas), and on the 2nd and 3rd day would participate in pilgrimages in tradition with the Andean Culture we were surrounded by. Tim put a lot of time and effort putting everything together.

Caretakers of the place where we did the retreat, Patricia and Armando. They live on the grounds and take care of everything from cooking and cleaning to ceremony set up.

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My overall personal goals throughout this adventure/path have been largely to receive guidance about the direction of my life. After the first ceremony, I received clear affirmation on my path.

I have not written about the second ceremony, but it was much different then my first time in the jungles of Rurrenbaque. It was a very physical experience. It was done in the mountain lodge as opposed to the jungle and overall I felt amazing. Furthermore, the ceremony was run by Miquel, Tim's teacher (I like Tims ceremonies better). The visions that were presented to me were strong, and pleasant. I believe that the second ceremony must have represented the physical part of my journey. I felt nothing but love and spiritual energy in the room. It was a beautiful thing.

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The Players:

The BV Show, The Weapon, Lisa, Big Ben, and Billy Boy all came up for one night. They were not interested in participating in the full retreat.

In addition Diego (pictured above walking), our jungle guide from Rurrenbaque showed up. It was a great surprise as Benny, Billy and I love this guy and spent an amazing three days with him walking in the Jungle.

Me, Lola, and Matthew

In Sucre, as a result of a freak accident involving a semi intoxicated Irishman, (He fell into a table that we were sharing and were both on our laptops) I met Lola, a British journalist covering events in Bolivia.

Sidenote: I got lucky, and her laptop got major league screwed in the deal as a result of the drunken Irishman and a precariously placed glass of red wine.

At the time, Lola was in Sucre following around Bolivian President Evo Morales. We got to talking and I told her about my first two experiences with Ayahuasca. She was immediately interested and is now here writing a piece on what exactly the medicine is all about. She brought her friend Matthew (British, works in drama casting) to the ceremony. They did not decide until the 11th hour to participate. They were actually on the taxi ride to the site when they decided they would participate in the ceremony.

I also talked to two girls from San Francisco on our Colca Canyon tour, Dreama and Meriah, about the experience. Both of them have showed up for the ceremony as well.

Somehow everyone was in La Paz at exactly the right time. Overall, the energy level of the group was very high.

A bit more about Tim. Tim is 25, Belgian, and has been an apprentice Shaman for the last 4 years. He ¨is¨the person to share this experience with. Not only is he honest, kind, and talented, but he truly cares about the experience of each individual. I love this guy.


The retreat center sits directly in the view of Illimani, one of the tallest mountains in South America. Everything about this place is beautiful. We were nestled between large cliffs. Furthermore, we were surrounded by indigenous Bolivians. The houses and huts we stayed in have such a mystical feel. You can feel the positive energy coming out of every corner of the property.

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The third ceremony:

Ayahuasca ceremonies take place in complete darkness.

Reflecting on my third experience, which was as equally powerful as the first two. I felt an overall peace in my life, and spoke to the most powerful presence so far during my journey.

I cannot even explain what it is I saw. The amount of colors, shapes, and images were vast, and very, very intense. I saw what I think was an eye in the middle of these images (not a bad eye like in the Lord of the Rings but a positive force). Whatever it was (at the time I thought it was God), it was very, very happy with me. It also advised me to be very careful when traveling the middle east (Remember that I was seeking guidance for my upcoming travels). As a result, I am going to take an extra hard look at each of the middle eastern countries I am going to visit.

Sidenote: Not that this has anything to do with anything, but it was in the news the other day that Egypt (one of the most progressive Middle Eastern countries) just outlawed female circumcision. Its about time don´t you think. Female Circumcision = NO BUENO

My third ceremony was run by Tim and had 20 participants. Out of the 20, 17 had profound experiences. Unfortunately, the three people that did not feel anything at all were "the Weapon", Billy Boy, and Big Ben. Big Ben was extremely unhappy about not feeling anything. Personally, I think that he had a lot to work through and did not want to face what the medicine would have shown him. In short, he put up a personal block.

The BV show had one of the most intense experiences. He encountered an Angel like women that sucked him out of his own body. Then, he stood beside her and looked back at himself. He sat next to me and was very, very ill for much of the ceremony. Tim came over multiple times and took very good care of Ben. Its amazing the power that the shaman has during the ceremony.

Lisa (The fantastic American that we have been traveling with for the last week or two) spent the duration of her experience in a fairy land. She found her self flying on the back of the dog from the Neverending Story and even ended up in a Super Mario Brothers video game at one point. Some people just have a good time like this.

All of the people that I had spoke to have had profound spiritual and helpful experiences. Lola, Matthew, and Dreama all worked through some very personal issues and found the ceremony very beneficial.

This "medicine" is truly a tool to overcome your inner demons. It seems to me that any inner demons I once had are long gone. These last two ceremonies did nothing but affirm my life path and further strengthen my direction and confidence.

After the ceremony, we were awoken for an intense sweat lodge. This is pretty much a sauna from hell. The heat is unbearable, but it co insides with the ceremony. It removes all the medicine from your system. At the end, you are doused with a bucket of freezing cold water (remember that we are in the mountains to begin with).

The sweat lodge. 9 red hot rocks are added four different times to the sweat lodge and then doused with water and mixed with medicinal plants. We had 20 people in this thing if you can believe it. It is very, very hot to the point where it is almost unbearable. Afterwards, you feel amazing.

After the sweat lodge, you are doused with freezing cold water. This is Matthew.


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The Retreat


Overlooking downtown La Paz. At this point we are easily at 5000 meters. La Paz sits at 3500 and is the highest major city in the world.



This hike....was not easy.



Although this is beautiful, it was hard not to call this Penis rock. In fact, that is what we called it.

Working on two hours sleep after breakfast and the sweat lodge, the 5 of us participating in the retreat me, Lola, Matthew, Harman, and Melanie joined Tim and the staff for an 6.5 hour hike. We basically climbed a mountain and we saw some of the most beautiful images that I have experienced on this trip. The altitude was intense and we chewed traditional coca to help us cope for most of the hike.

Ben, Big Ben, The Weapon, Billy Boy, and Lisa set off to go back to La Paz for the dangerous road.



I remember saying to myself while stopping on the intense hike, "Wow, I am really doing earth". We saw all the major mountains surrounding La Paz and the city.

The goal of the retreat was to reach a sacred rock of the Andean people. When we got to the rock we made a ritual Andean offering. This rock had a ton of positive energy. We laid on it for a while, relaxed, and then ate lunch next to it.


It felt like we were in the ¨Lord of the Rings¨ on this hike



The next day before the 4th and final ceremony we all relaxed. Everyone got massages from Julian (who is a licensed massage therapist), and we all spent some time in the hot tub. It was great to relax after the intensity of the day before.

Some of went on a short hike and were in awe when a lone Condor (just like in Colca Canyon) showed up. It flew back and forth over our heads for what seemed like a half hour. Tim uttered (in his Belgian English accent)to the group as this was happening something to the effect of ¨This is a good sign. I think we are going to have a good night tonight.¨


The retreat crew in its entirety except for Lola (UK) who is taking the pic:Left to write: Diego (US), Julian (UK), Tim (Belgian), Melanie (US), Me (US),Harmen (Holland), and Matthew (UK)
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Ceremony Four and the completion of the cycle:

For the fourth ceremony I was looking for more clarity, more confidence, and more understanding in my life. My main goal was to obtain 100% confidence in myself if that makes any sense. Is this a selfish goals? I do not think so. In addition, I also was looking for my relationship skills to be magnified and clarified. I also wanted to think more about how to achieve my travel and business goals.

The fourth and final ceremony was the most intense of all.

The ceremony itself was truly beautiful. Tims songs were mixed with the presence of two local Bolivian women, and Julian (Tim´s assitant) that sung throughout the ceremony. The mixture of the male and female energy in the ceremony room was inspirational. The music was amazing and guided us through the entire experience.

The most powerful experience by far involved a local Bolivian man. He was a big guy weighing in at easily 250 pounds. He is a local musician and plays the bongos. For the first part of the ceremony he really had a difficult time. He was loudly sobbing, and violently ill. I have no idea what he was seeing but it was intense. About half way through the ceremony his whole demeanor changed. He almost became jolly.

By the end he was glowing. I thought for a second that he was going to crush my spine with the force of the hug he gave me at the end of the ceremony.

The next day when sharing our experiences he disclosed that not only was he going through a divorce, but that he had been recently diagnosed with cancer. That next morning he was truly at peace with himself. It was amazing, powerful, and unbelievable. Whatever personal hell he was going through, he worked it out. I am sure of it.

Personally, I was very sick during the last ceremony. I think power vomiting would be an appropriate description at times (maybe I shouldnt have had that third cup). Nonetheless, everything I experienced internally was positive. For the first three ceremonies I was clearly "looking for something". This last ceremony tied everything together. I realized that I have already found it. The visuals were not profound, but they were beautiful. If you can imagine looking into a mirror and coming to the realization that you are completely happy with what you are looking at, that was the close of my 4 part cycle with Ayahuasca.

Over the course of the weekend many people came together from all over the world participate in this retreat. We had journalists, Embassy workers, Mountain guides, students, ex Special Forces Personel, and many local Bolivians share the experience with us. All in all, it was an extremely powerful experience that I will never forget. I am not sure how or why this stuff works the way it does. What I am sure of is that my personal experience with Ayahuasca was very important. In addition, I met some really great people from all walks of life along the way. Personally, I understand why this plant has been so important to the inhabitants of South America for thousands of years.
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Notes:


> Lola, Matthew, Diego, Tim, Mel, Lisa, Julian, and I had the chance to go out to dinner the other night for Lolas Birthday. Minus Lisa, this was the crew from the retreat. I can speak for everyone and say that we will never forget what we went through last week. It was one of the most powerful events of all of our lives. Even Tim, who has performed these ceremonies many, many times was glowing.

Lola and I on her birthday :)

Matthew and Julian at Lolas birthday at Mapron-on in La Paz. Its an Indian-Thai restaurant. Afterwards we went to a Jazz club and hung out.

> I got on stage with the Jazz band about half way through the night and improve freestyled. The beat was really fast and I did not have time to do anything but react. There was probably 40 people in the club and the response was really positive. Look out Dr. Dre...I´m coming for you.

Sidenote: Dr. Dre, I am really not coming for you. The above statement was a joke. Please feel free to lower your gat to the floor. Nonetheless, I have transended and am now in the 97 percentile of allwhite American freestylers.

> Write now I am trying to put all this together in a "STARBUCKS" in Lima. How appropriate! Whoops, I just spilled my Vanilla Latte. Im not going to lie, after two months in Bolivia it is nice to see a Starbucks and other symbols of the western world.

> If anyone is interested in contacting Tim. I can send you his email. Please email me personally at daveford88@gmail.com.

24 Hours in the Life of a Backpacker

My new traveling compadres... Lisa and Big Ben

Two Americans, One Aussie, and one Hell of a Long Journey from Cusco, Peru to La Paz, Bolivia in 24 HOURS

Traveler Profile: Big Ben Plunkett, 25, Broom Australia

As I mentioned before, The BV show and I first met Ben in Buenos Aires 4 and 1/2 months ago. Ben is a good guy and a bit of a madman. He has been traveling on and off for the Last 4 years. He has been all over Europe, Asia, The Middle East, South America, and his travels have made him as street smart as anyone that I have met on the road. He is also the identical size as myself. Its good to travel with other large people. Big Ben is as solid as a guy you can find. You can tell he has been through and overcome quite a bit in his life. Hes also really funny. This is especially the case on days where he has to go the toilet an upwards of 16 times in one day(read on and you will see what I am talking about).

Traveler Profile: Lisa Thirer, 24, Upstate New York, USA

Lisa has been traveling for the past 7 months. Three of which she has spent volunteering at the YMCA in Valpariso Chile with under privileged and troubled youths. From what she has told us, it was a very rewarding yet difficult experience. We first met Lisa at the Point at Cusco. She was hanging out with Aussie Jess and she hit it off with the entire group immediately. She had been in Cusco for the previous two weeks (thats the Red Flag to GET THE HELL OUT OF CUSCO). Lisa also just got done reading Ayn Rands the Fountainhead and loved it. Furthermore, she is a huge fan of the underground music scene in the US and has been to over 30 Phish shows.

Sidenote: Lisa is one of about 5 Americans traveling for an extended period of time like myself that I have encountered on my journey.

The 24 Hours begins:

9:20- Lisa, Big Ben, and I rapidly flag down a cab in front of our hostel in Cusco.

9:25- Our cab driver tries to overcharge us in front of the bus station. We argue and pay the lower fair (We were probably arguing over 50 cents US).

9:28- Lisa comments about how great it is to be able to smoke cigarettes in the bus station. Then follows it up with how trashy it is.

9:30- Big Ben runs to the bathroom with reckless abandon. Big Ben has had serious "toilet issues" the previous few days. He had to rapidly flee from dinner the night before.

9:32- Somehow the three of us get the front row on the bus and EXTRA leg room.

10:00- Lisa and I realize that we are into the exact same type of music and trade turns with each others iPods listening to Sound Tribe Sector Nine, Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, The Disco Biscuits, Old Crow Medicine Show, Citizen Cope, People Under the Stairs, Radiohead, and many others.

10:30- The three of us are fast asleep

3:30am- Lisa and I both wake up freezing. Its way below zero (Celsius) and officially the coldest bus ride I have been on yet. We are set to stop in Puno, Peru to change buses at 5am. Big Ben is still asleep.

3:35am- After attempting to use each others body heat for warmth, Lisa and I notice the smell of rotten eggs. It was gross. We both discuss and concur that it must be one of the 300 pound Peruvian ladies in the next seats over. Its way to cold to open the windows for relief.

4:00am- The light begin to flicker on and off. Big Ben wakes up. His stomach is not doing well.

5:00am- We arrive in Puno. The bus station is just as cold as the bus was. We are informed that we have to wait until 7am for our bus to Copacabana.

Sidenote: Originally we were planning to stop for a day in Copacabana. Unanimously, we decide to abort mission and head straight to La Paz. Mostly due to the fact that we are freezing.


5:02am- While the three of us are trying to use each others body heat to stay warm, we are approached by the biggest wanker ( I have started to use English slang, deal with it) on earth from England. This guy was a full on a tool bag and did not shut up the entire time.

6:00am- The sun comes up and we get a view of Lake Titicaca.

6:02am- Ben runs to the bathroom for the 4th time in our hour in Puno

6:20am- We order a dodgy egg breakfast from the diner in the bus station. This does not help anyones stomach.

7:00am- The bus is leaving, but Big Ben is in the bathroom. He makes it back just in the nick of time.

7:05am- We luckily nab the back seat of the bus and fall fast asleep until the border crossing in Copacabana.



10:00am- Our bus has to cross Lake Titicaca. I do not believe the Bolivians have mastered the concept of bridges quite yet.



We managed to take three of the happiest picture of our lives while waiting for the bus to cross Lake Titicaca.

11:30am- We wake up. Now Lisa is sick too. While crossing the border into Bolivia Lisa throws up twice, and Ben spends much time in a bathroom with conditions I would not like to mention.

12 noon- We arrive in Copacabana for a one hour layover. We sit with a lake front view of Titicaca at a fairly nice restaurant. Big Ben decided to order a second helping of Crepes. Lisa throws up.

12:30pm- Ben throws up both helpings of Crepes. He also uses the bathroom for other purposes.

1:00pm- We board our third bus and decide to watch "300" on my laptop. Despite many bad reviews, I like it.

2:00pm- We stop for a bathroom break. Big Ben uses it in its full capacity.

3:00pm- We reach Al Alto (on the outskirts of La Paz) and the road conditions are terrible. It was really bumpy. Both Lisa and Bens stomachs are especially not happy with this situation. Ben is visibly in pain. He does not know if he can make it and begins to talk of "pooping his pants".

3;45pm- We finally reach La Paz and the situation for Ben is critical. He had to go immediately. We start to work out contingent plans. Neither Ben or Lisa have ever been to La Paz. I do not see anything familiar.

4:00pm- We reach a breaking point. I recognize the Hard Rock Cafe from my previous time in La Paz and describe to Ben where it is. He makes a mad dash to get off the bus. However, the bus driver will not let him off. Apparently, there is a cop directing traffic and the bus driver thinks he will get in trouble. Ben was yelling "Infirmo, Infirmo". Lisa and I are yelling from the back, "Let him the F out, hes sick". "Hes going to throw up". The rest of the bus than begins yelling. Ben asks a Bolivian guy in the front of the bus to tell the bus driver in Spanish "that he is going to punch him in the face if he does not let him off". The bus driver lets Ben out.

4:20pm- We finally reach our stop. Lisa and I have our backpacks (which are not light) plus Big Bens backpacks.

4:35pm- We get a cab and try to go pick Ben up at the Hardrock Cafe.

4:40pm- We find that all the roads that lead to the Hard Rock Cafe are closed.

4:50pm- Lisa and I decide to go to the hostel, drop off our bags, and then find Ben.

5:00pm- We get to the hostel. Lisa checks us in. I set off on foot to the Hard Rock to look for Ben.

5:20pm- I get to the Hardrock. There is no sign of Ben. I bang on the bathroom door yelling and get dirty looks from the bar and from one of the guys that was in the bathroom.

5:50pm- Dejected, I get back to the hostel and find Lisa. No sign of Ben. We get on the Internet hoping he will get online. We write him an email and debate whether or not to add the line "Bark twice if you in Milwaukee".

Sidenote: Remember that Ben has never set foot in La Paz before. He does not have any money either.

6:20pm- Ben shows up. Passionate embraces ensue.

6:30pm- We discover that the rotten egg smell was not the fat Peruvian women at all, but Bens Breath. His frequent trips to the bathroom have been replaced with "Fart Burps".

7:00 pm- We go to the pharmacy to buy Ben some antibiotics. Lisa speaks to the Pharmacist and explains Bens condition in detail. Ben asks Lisa to ask the Pharmacist why his breath smells like rotten egg farts. The three of us break into hysterics and the Pharmacist look annoyed.

8:00- We get settled in the hostel and take a cab for dinner. Traffic is so bad that we do not move more than a few blocks in 10 minutes. The cab driver tries to charge us 5 times the going rate. I flip out and curse him out in English. He wanted to charge us 10 Bolivianos. I give him two.

8:02- The Cab driver pulls up to us as we are walking. He is yelling and throws the money back at us with considerable force. Luckily, he has shitty aim. I then realize that I had given the asshole Peruvian money. HA!

8:30 pm- We arrive to Olivers Travels (gringo bar) for dinner. Ben sees some people he knows and is talking to them. One of them asks if he knows a "Big American Guy" named Dave Ford. Ben says yes, and points to Lisa and I sitting in the corner.

Sidenote: This guy Dave from Ireland has been carrying around my Ben Sherman Fleece for the past two months. Finally, we hook back up and he gives it to me. Very cool, my hats off to him.

9:00pm- Lisa and Ben both begin to feel sick again. We go back to the hostel.

9:02pm- Ben burps and it smells like Rotten eggs.

9:20pm- We all go to bed.

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Notes: Its amazing how quickly you become really good friends with people as you travel like this. I am really happy to have been through this mess with both Lisa and Ben. They are truly incredible people.

Cusco.. The Party Capital of South America

The Reunion of Reunions....Left to Right: The BV Show, Billy Boy, Jess, Me, Dave, Big Ben is at the top. Help! I am surrounded by Australians!

After Arequipa, The BV Show, The Weapon, and I took another 12 hour bus ride to Cusco. The plan was to meet up with Aussie Jess (traveled with us to Rurrenbaque and La Paz), Aussie Big Ben Plunkett, and Billy (He just got finished climbing two mountains in La Paz).

We met Big Ben in Buenos Aires and he is guy who gave me the ins and outs of how to get to Antarctica. After meeting him and seeing how "high on life he was" I knew that I had to go to the 7th continent. Ben, Billy, and Big Ben traveled together for over two months to Carnival, all throughout Brazil, and to the World Cup Cricket tournament in the Carribean.

The BV Show and Jess

Note on partying: By and large, my formula has been to party hard every month or so for a weekend, working it around the routine seeing stuff and traveling. Its a good way to not get yourself stuck in a rut. Many backpackers, get stuck in certain places for way to long due to the party scenes. This tends to happen mostly in big cities: ie: Buenos Aires, Rio de Janerio, La Paz, and Cusco.


Mama Africa..The best club in Cusco

Cusco is a little different because travelers are constantly going to and from the Inca Trail and Machu Picchu. Nonetheless, the party ended up being everything we were looking for and more. We went out to a bunch of different clubs, a bunch of different bars, and hung out quite a bit in our hostel (The Point is the best Hostel in Cusco). Our average bedtime was sometime around 8 AM. The bars and clubs do not close in Cusco.

Sidenote: I never realized how much I like the Counting Crows until this trip. Whenever Mr. Jones comes on the at the clubs gringos from around the world go completely crazy.

Another sidenote: In our hostel people were dropping like flies with Amoebic Dysentary. NO BUENO.

Anyway, after three days on the party scene I had gotten my fill of Cusco and decided to push onto La Paz (again). Big Ben Plunkett, Lisa (American Girl from New York), and I caught a 9 hour bus last night.....

That story, will be my next blog entry. Its a doozy.

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Notes:





> We got some great shots of people passed out at the bar in Cusco. I am thinking of turning this into a series on the blog. Apparently people drop like flies in Cusco.

> Everyone down here seems to have read "Scar Tissue" the Anthony Keidis (Lead Singer of the Red Hot Chile Peppers) biography. I just started it and all I can say is WOW... That dude had a messed up life.

> I have been getting a ton of emails and have been having a terrible time keeping up. If you sent me an email, I promise to reply eventually.

> I have gotten a lot of emails about my second Ayahuasca experience. I have decided to blend it with my upcoming retreat that is happening this weekend. I will have a lot of time to write in the mountains and am really looking forward to it.

> Keep the comments coming. The US public school system comment I made seemed to stir up some excitement. Let me think of something else controversial to throw into the mix... Hmmm. How about this??? Many parts of US major cities are scarier than anything I have come close to seeing in South America. BAM.

> Also, do not forget to sign up for the email alerts at the top right hand side of this page. You will get an email every time I post. JUST DO IT!

Colca Canyon, the Andean Condor, and White Trash America

This is a mature Andean Eagle. It was rescued by a local man as a baby and now stars in many Colca Canyon Pictures.

Dave, Ben, and I caught a 18 hour bus from San Pedro to Arequipa last Sunday night. After traveling in Bolivia for so long, it was a "glorious" experience to be riding on a Chilean bus.

To give some perspective on the matter, on a previous bus ride in Bolivia a guy decided to bring along his cat. His cat, was not very happy about the decision and decided to MEOW at the top of its' lungs for the duration of the 6 hour Bolivian journey. In response, the cats owner decided to smack the cat in the top of the head with considerable force every time it made a sound. In response to the pounding, the cat decided that it did not like being banged in the head and therefore MEOWED louder. This pattern repeated itself for six hours.

So when we got on our regular bus in Chile, it felt as if we were back to some sort of normalcy.

We landed at "the Point" in Arequipa sometime around midday, ate some Chinese food, and promptly booked our tour to Colca Canyon. We had to get up to catch the bus at 4:45am the next morning due to some planned Peruvian protests that would have blocked the roads leaving Arequipa.

Sidenote: Although its wonderful to see the democratic process work in South America, I am getting really irritated with protests. Its seems like there are protests every day in every country we visit.

So BANG, we get on the bus and we find out that we are in the middle of the typical tour that we strive so much to avoid. The bus, was tiny. Somehow I got two seats (thank you sweet Jesus). The BV Show and the Weapon were not so lucky.

Fortunately, we did have some cool people on the bus with us. We had a couple from California, some girls right out of school from Wisconsin, and an assortment of other interesting people.


Sidenote: The name of one of the major water companies in Peru is "SOGAY".

The BV show in front of our Colca Canyon accommodations. The facility was nestled in the middle of steep cliffs.

Colca Canyon is the deepest canyon in the world (The BV Show repeatedly pointed out that it was deeper than the Grand Canyon). Our experience at the canyon was truly beautiful. This is just another situation where pictures can not even come close to describing the true essence of what we saw.



In front of the Canyon

The major draw to Colca Canyon is the chance to see the Andean Condor. These birds have a wing span of over 9 feet and are absolutely amazing. When we got to the primary lookout point we saw 8 condors at the same time flying right by our heads. These things fly without effort, and do not seem to notice the scores of tourists all over the place. A mature Andean condor has a wingspan of 9 feet.


This is a mature male condor. You tell because they are black.

This is a younger condor.

THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE TRIP:

No, it was not the beautiful condors. It was not the deepest canyon in the world either. Actually, it was a middle aged white trash American.

We noticed early on that one of the passengers on the bus was especially miserable. She probably was weighing in at about 200 lbs. In her defense, the size of the bus must have been especially uncomfortable.

Right after the condor viewing, everyone was on a natural high. It was really amazing. We were all talking about our experience and looking at each others photos, when the unspeakable happened.

White Trash Lady starts screaming at the top of her lungs out of nowhere. Apparently the "very nice" South African Women sitting in front of her rocked her chair back a bit and out of nowhere the entire 20 person bus was exposed to a complete mental breakdown.

I might paraphrase a bit, but this is the gist of what she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"BITCH, YOU STUPID BITCH" " IF YOU TRY TO MOVE YOUR CHAIR BACK ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO SLAP YOU!" "DO YOU THINK WE DON'T HAVE LEGS BACK HERE! I CAN'T CUT OFF MY LEGS!"

Ahhh, one of these moments when you are so proud to be an American! I was compelled to apologize on behalf of my country.

Thats all she said. After that nothing. Just that same familiar scowl that the rest of us had become accustomed to from the rest of the trip.

It became the conversation piece for the remainder of the trip. Actually we had quite a bit of fun talking about it.
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Notes:

> We saw more llamas and alpacas on this tour than I care to describe. Its sort of like seeing cows in the country side. The first time you see one you are like "Ohhh, there's a cow". Nonetheless, after you see the next 500 it stops being so cool. There were a few older tourists on the bus could not seem to get enough of the llamas and alpacas. One of the guys must have taken at least 200 llama photo shots.

Me, an Alpaca, and a little Peruvian Girl

> At lunch on our last day we saw a pet alpaca spit directly in the face of one of the workers who was trying to move it. This.... was pretty cool. Alpacas are very good at spitting.

> The next day after we got back to Arequipa, we again left the town immediately heading straight to Cusco for a reunion with a bunch of friends we had met along the way. The plan after two weeks of doing stuff and rapidly moving, was to party our asses off in the city that was once the center of the Inca world. I did not think I would be going back but was really excited to see everyone.

> We had more problems with the French in Colca Canyon. This time the problems had a lot to do with incessant staring. A group of 60 something Frenchman literally would not stop staring at our Californian friends. A fight almost ensued. As I have previously mentioned, the French are weird. That is except for my best buddy Regis from Antarctica and Florianapolis, Brazil who kindly reminded me after my last French bashing post of his nationality. I therefore revise my opinion of the French to omit French Brazilians who are very cool and sell massive amounts of meat on international markets.

> Also I have decided that I like the French leaps and bounds more than the majority of white trash America. Maybe it has something to do with the public schools in the US..... hmmmm. :)

> I just had my fifth cafe con leche and am beginning to shake. But I am wide awake.

> Dave Mallet gets the photo credits for the condor pix above.

> I will eventually upload video to this post when I figure out how to do it.

Drugged in San Pedro de Atacama

The Atacama Desert



When the Aussies, Raj Majal, and I were planning our Salt Flats excursion we were told repeatedly by many other backpackers that San Pedro in Chile was a must see. Many of the tours of Salar de Uyuni start in Uyuni and end up in Chile. Furthermore, none of the other guys have been to Chile, so we decided to make our final destination from the Salt Flats San Pedro de Atacama.

San Pedro does not appear on most maps of Chile, but lies in the very north of the skinniest country in the world in the mineral rich Atacama desert. Although it is a very small town, it is also a backpackers paradise. The streets are lined with travel agencies and niche restaurants. At night, all of the restaurants burn huge bonfires right in the middle of the restaurants. It's a beautiful place.

Ben and I were set to spend our 5 month anniversary traveling on Saturday night in San Pedro. Massive plans were made. The initial plan was to take it easy on Thursday night and to celebrate to the fullest on both Friday and Saturday night.

Unfortunately, things did not materialize as we expected.

The four of us went out to eat at one of the nicest restaurants, Adobe, on Thursday night. The four of us had a very big meal and started off like any night with a few beers.

This is where things began to get weird. Continuing to follow normal protocol, we switched over to vodka & sprites (I usually drink vodka with soda but trying to get people down here to understand what club soda is can be more than a challenge).

The vodka drinks arrived and the four of us began to get drunk much faster than we normally would have.

Sidenote: Aside from Raji Taj, who is much smaller than the Aussies and me, we are all big and have had plenty of experience in the "handling your alcohol department".

The first indicator:

After a few more drinks, Dave "the Weapon" Mallet fell straight back off of his chair and got a beautiful view of the stars. Personally, I barely remember Dave doing this.

The second indicator:

Apparently we were hanging out with two American guys ( one of them had just won $64,000 playing poker in Vegas) and they picked up our entire tab for the evening. Between the four of us, the tab was easily over $200 bucks US. The guys actually commented on the blog a few posts back saying that it was nice to meet us and such. (If you guys are reading this, thanks for hooking it up).

Out of the four of us, only Raj has a slight recollection of this. The next day we all woke up wondering if we ran out on the bill.

The third indicator:

Ben and I apparently ended up in some sort of wrestling match in the middle of the street. Neither of us remember. I hit my head hard. His eye and hand were really screwed up for a few days.

Sidenote: Ben and I, simply put, do not do this kind of shit. We have been here for 5 months and if anything, work to prevent blind drunk assholes from partaking in this kind of behavior.

The fourth indicator:

Late that night we were apparently approached by 6 Chileans who had unkind things to say to us in Spanish. Unfortunately, Raj translated what they were talking about to us and Ben took off after all 6 guys. They kept walking. Again, Ben does not behave in this matter.

The fifth indicator:

"The Weapon" completely disappeared. He has no recollection of what happened. He remembers being in a different bar for awhile, and that's it. For the next couple days he was approached by different groups of people telling him to "be careful in San Pedro". This is where we began to think something was seriously wrong.

The next day Raj and I were flat on our backs all day long. This was not a normal hangover. Dave and Ben did not feel as bad, and actually went sandboarding. I was violently sick (maybe the second time since traveling). We think we all got different amounts of the special sauce.

The conclusion:

We were drugged. None of us are sure why. We look like any other backpacker. Why someone would drug 4 guys is beyond our comprehension.

We asked Ben and Daves' sandboarding guide if stuff like this happens in San Pedro. He said that it was not unheard of.

After further analysis, we think that they did not give us enough of "whatever it was that they spiked our vodkas with" to make it possible to rob us. Fortunately, we all stuck together and made it back safely to our hostel.

The next few nights we ate dinner out but took it easy. Mostly to avoid a run-in with the Chilean Mafia...if such a thing exists.

This my friends, is the weirdest thing that has happened since I have been traveling.


Riding in San Pedro de Atacama

On the bright side, we did have a fantastic afternoon horseback riding on the sand dunes surrounding the city. We saw some beautiful volcanoes, dunes, and sunsets.
It was also very humorous when Raj fell off of his horse.

Then, we got the hell out of there, never to return again.

Just a little note from my two Aussie friends, Raji Taj, and me:

F YOU San Pedro de Atacama! F You and all of your drink spiking residents!!!!


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Notes:

> After talking to the owner of the Hostel in Cusco, he told me there have been many nights when local "girls" have spiked his drinks. He says that whenever he starts feeling a little strange he gets the hell out of there. Although, we did not run into many girls that night in San Pedro. Maybe one of the culprits had a secret crush on the BV show.

> After San Pedro, the Raj Mahal took off on an alternative route. He has about a month or so left of traveling and headed out to Salta in northern Argentina. Raji Taj brought much to the table in the three weeks that we hung out. Not only did his fluent Spanish make life easy, he also brought a completely different dynamic to the crew. We have all been talking about how much we miss Raji Taji and wish him the best of luck when he gets back to London and to the real world. Something tells me that after making the British Pound Sterling for a few years, Raj will be back on the backpacker scene once again. He was also an amazing proof reader. Clearly, if anyone needs an amazing proofreader it's me. Raj is fantastic with commas.

> OK, so we boogied out of San Pedro for a strategic two day strike of Arequipa and Colca Canyon in southern Peru.

> Although this can seem like an extension of the little unlucky patch I went through a few weeks back, I disagree. The reason nothing bad happened is because the boys and I stuck together (except for Dave as he wandered off for a bit, this does not matter as much because I am sure he could take out the entire town of San Pedro de Atacama by himself). Nonetheless, South America affords you the luxury of making mistakes. I would much rather make as many mistakes as possible here, so when I get to Africa I am the ultimate backpacker. From what I gather, there is much less room for forgiveness on "The Mother Continent".

Note to self: Improve your skills of identifying dodgy characters in bars.

Needless to say, my horse suffered immensely throughout the entire ride.

Note to self: I need the big horse in the future

Salar De Uyuni ¨The Bolivian Salt Flats¨

In front of Colarada Lagoon

The Boys in front of one of the Many Volcanoes


The Salt Flats of Bolivia is by and large the weirdest place I have ever been in my entire life. It felt like we were on an entirely different planet. There are miles, and miles, and miles of just salt. The bizarre nature of this place got even crazier when we visited coral reef caves, massive red sanded deserts, volcanoes galore, red lagoons, and flamingos. We also got up close and personal with a really weird French dude.

Sidenote: I have come to the conclusion that France should be on a completely different planet (more on this later).

Salar de Uyuni is the worlds largest Salt Flat at 4085 square miles. Its also just over 3500 meters high. At the highest point of our tour we reached just over 5000 meters. Needless to say, the altitude effects you on the Salt Flats.

Over 40,000 years ago the entire area was a part of a major prehistoric lake. Eventually the lake dried and left behind the many bizarre aforementioned sites.

Raj Mahal, Dave, The BV Show and I decided to go with an upgrade tour company to do the Salt Flat Tour. Basically, we had heard a ridiculous amount of complaints from other backpackers about how cold it would be. It became evident how desperately we needed heat in our four-wheel drive truck. We spent 3 straight days in a cramped, yet heated Toyota Landcruiser. Thank God because it was just as freezing as everyone said!

Our crew consisted of our driver Orlando, our cook Lourdes, and a lone Frenchman that did not speak a word of English. The BV show lovingly dubbed him "Frenchy" from the start of the trip and it stuck. Surprisingly, Frenchy seemed to enjoy his nickname.

Our first day coming from the town of Uyuni was through the actual "Salt Flats". It was mind blowing. As far as the eye could see, we saw nothing but salt, salt, and more salt. At some points we actually came close to getting stuck in the salt. At its worst, I would compare it to driving through 6 inches of fresh snow. For the most part the salt was flat and smooth. We also stopped off at the Salt Museum in Uyuni. Everything, including the walls, was made of Salt.

Dave examining the proportions of a female Salt Statue in the "Salt Museum" in Uyuni

The Salt Flats are a photographers wet dream. We had some fun with the scenery.













Just before sunset at the end of day one of the tour Orlando took us to a coral reef. It used to be at the bottom of the Prehistoric lake before the tectonic plates shifted fifty gabillion years ago when the Andes were formed.




Sidenote: Orlando did not speak a lick of English. So, some of the fine details of what we were seeing were for the most part lost in translation. If someone actually knows when the tectonic plates shifted hit me up on the comment board.


Next to the Coral Reef Cave was a Pre-Incan cemetery. Apparently someone died in the Cave in the last twenty years, hence the cross. Yes, I took this award winning photograph.

The next two days sort of blurred together. We stayed in reasonably good accommodations, drank a fair bit of red wine at night, and played "shithead" (the most popular card game on the road).



After we got through the Salt Flats the Volcanoes rapidly arrived. They were literally everywhere. From my knowledge, 98 percent of the Volcanoes we saw were inactive.



Out of nowhere we came upon rock formations isolated in the desert. The picture above is the craziest by far.

On the rest of the tour we saw a red lagoon, a green lagoon, and more desert. Some of the regular lagoons had a few random flamingos. Apparently the lakes act as their breeding grounds in November.

When you are stuck in the car with people for almost 72 hours, you really get to know people. Dave, Raj, Ben, and I enjoyed some great conversations.


> I learned that Ben and Dave both hate driving slow (Orlando drove like a moderately aggressive grandmother).

>I learned that Dave knows a lot about cars. This came up when our car broke down on day 2 about 6 times.

>I learned that our driver Orlando does not like listening to gringos telling him how to fix his car.

> Most importantly, I learned that both Dave and the BV show have serious gastrointestinal issues in the altitude. They blew up the car consistently throughout the entire duration of the trip. Orlando and our cook were not amused.

Sidenote: I know as much about cars as I do about chaos theory math. So, when the car broke down., Dave had "Raji Taj" translate to Orlando what he thought was wrong with the car. Orlando, did not listen and found it necessary to remove many strange looking parts. It was a time of high drama and I got the hell out of there. There were too many pissed off cooks in the kitchen.


Dave trying to communicate what he thought was wrong.


I walked a quarter of a mile up the road and chilled. I saw a weird rabbit-like thing that seemingly jumped 10 yards at a time clearing huge rocks. Either that or there was some left over Ayahuasca in my system.

Every morning, Frenchy (his actual name is Francois) got into the car 15 minutes before the rest of us every day to claim his prided window seat. Oh yeah, this was annoying. On the last day, Raji Taj jumped in the seat early and beat him to the punch, throwing Frenchies day into a complete tailspin. We all found this amusing. Frenchy...not so much.

Sidenote: Out of all the people from all over the world I have traveled with, I find the French to be the most ridiculous. In fact, most of the French I have met have been downright terrible. The stereotypes I have had in my head about the French before this trip seem to be confirming themselves. French people also seem to have a funny, yet annoying laugh.

Sidenote: If anyone has any funny stories about French people. Please feel free to post them. It would be most amusing and wonderful. If you are French and reading this, please feel free to post funny stories about your fellow French countrymen as well.

Playing cards in the shelter with Frenchy. On night two Frenchy got on the drink hard! He also won every game of cards we played.


At one point, we stopped to look at some llama-like things. Orlando clearly instructed us not to get out of the car. Of course, Frenchy jumped right out and started taking pictures. Afterwards, when driving off, Frenchy realized that a piece of his camera had fallen into the desert. We went back and assumed a search. Somehow, by the grace of "tiny 8 pound 6 ounce lord baby Jesus", we found the missing piece.



In summary, the Salt Flats were impressive. Just like everything else in Bolivia, it was REALLY cheap as well. Overall, we ended up being not very happy with the Oasis tour company. The primary reason for our feelings co-inside directly with the breakdowns.


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Notes:



My flag motif on my backpack is coming along nicely. I should have three more flags before my triumphant return to Baltimore.

> Ben and Dave have effectively nicknamed me "the consumer" largely due to my care free attitude towards money.


The BV show has made this picture both his Myspace and Facebook Profile Pic. Just thought I would add it to further contribute to the "Gay Ben Vears Pictures Gallery" that appears to be forming within this blog.

> I am way backed up on the blog. Lack of internet assess is a biatch. Look for a flurry of posts this week. Heres a little sneak peak:

- Drugged!!!! In San Pedro de Atacama. The story about how two Aussies, one giant American, and one Brit got their drinks spiked in the Chilean desert. Also, I will download VIDEO of horseback riding through the desert in San Pedro.

- Condors!!!! Condors are large beautiful birds. We saw a ton in Colca Canyon outside of Arequipa in Peru. I AM going to upload some video.

- American Beauty!!! I will walk you through the complete mental breakdown of a middle aged, white trash American on our Colca Canyon Tour.

- A reunion in Cusco!!! The story of three days of heavy celebrating in Cusco with the BV show, Davey Mallet, Billy, and Jess (from Rurrenabaque).

> I am on a bus tomorrow to La Paz AGAIN. I am traveling with an American girl named Lisa for the next couple of days. We may stop off on Isla Del Sol for a night on Lake Titicaca. I am going back for a four day retreat in the mountains surrounding La Paz with a certain Shaman named Tim. Ben, Dave and I have to be in the Galapagos on July 5th. So, we are still finalizing the details of what we are doing between now and then. We could end up in the Bolivian Jungle again. Or, we could end up surfing the beaches of Northern Peru. We are not quite sure yet but we are working up a plan.

> Afro Update: This past week I have had a major break through with my Afro. It is basically at the point of complete perfection. This is the result of much consultation with Afro specialists from around the world.

> Although the next two months are shaping up to be really amazing, I am really looking forward to getting back home for a few months in August to see everyone. It's going to be a blast.